she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
