If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
