Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
