If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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