I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
did i just pee glitter
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