I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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