anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
