dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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