Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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