Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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