my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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