i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
