The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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