I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
