So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize