This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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