i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
