I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize
