Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
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