Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize