I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
my liver is dry heaving
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
