But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
