i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
