I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
