Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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