don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
