I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
