I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
