I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
