Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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