never play flip cup with pint glasses
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
