I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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