OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
