YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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