Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
