We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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