Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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