Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
