I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
