youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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