I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
you made out with another girl for some wings
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize