You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
