so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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