After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize