Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
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