i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
