quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I am one with the molecules
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
