the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
