Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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