i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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