Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
