you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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