I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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