i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
