I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize