im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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