one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
