I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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