I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
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