Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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