i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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