there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
