he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
