im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
