Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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