All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize