Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Randomize
