I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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