I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
