I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Randomize
