M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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