dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
There are leaves in my underwear?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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