I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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