Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize