At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
