You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
