You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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