Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Randomize