I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
did i just pee glitter
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
