He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
