I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm sobbing to NWA
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Randomize
