I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
