i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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