I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
