I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
